Everyone needs friends!

Entry tags:

dan sagittarius

Everyone needs friends!

Who: Dan and Jennifer
What: Discussing the Price drama, sewing a toy
Where: Jennifer's room
When: The morning after the rager
Warnings/Notes: references to toxic dynamics (platonic, professional, sexual), emotional abuse, typical Dan related warnings, typical Price related warnings, injuries/health issues.

That Dan isn't a morning person - especially after potentially getting drunk the previous evening - is common knowledge, meaning there is no way Jennifer could possibly grasp such concept just by deduction. Still, she had one of the Elves look for him and tell him to go visit her because she wants to talk to him, without giving further information.

When he arrives, he finds her sitting at the dressing table with stuffing, plain cloth, and sewing tools:

"Hello, Mr Sagittarius! I wanted to ask your help with a little project."

Brown is curled onto Jennifer's bed, giving Dan a look that if dogs could speak would say 'I know, right?'.

"I see that Dr Price has been sick and in trouble with people, lately, and I want to make him a stuffed animal so that he can have a friend. Everyone needs friends!"

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Dan definitely looks like he partied hard the night before, between the hickey, the dark circles under his squinting eyes, the remaining confetti in his hair, and the ginger way he moves that indicates that he's extremely hungover. He has a mug of ginger and lemon tea that he's cradling with both hands, which he takes intermittent drinks of to settle his stomach.

"Jennifer." He does have enough wherewithal to smile at her as he comes into her room and sits on the bed, letting Brown lick his face. "Good morning. You're...making him a stuffed animal?"

Dan wouldn't ever scoff in her face, and Price does exhibit many childish mannerisms. It's not the worst idea he's ever heard.

Also not the best.

Edited 2022-02-19 23:14 (UTC)

"Oh yes, I think it's something he really needs. I just have many different ideas about the design, and since you can sew I was wondering if you could help me decide."

Jennifer toys with the stuffing as she explains:

"On one hand, a classic teddybear holding a heart that can open so that he can take off the stuffing when he's mad would help him. I don't see him wanting to come back to me anytime he breaks it, and he has a need to break things, anyone in his position would." she nods "I would like to make a huge stuffed animal so that he can cuddle with it better but he needs something that he could carry everywhere so it has to be small."

She brings a hand to her chin, thinking.

"On the other hand, he seems to really like birds - he reminds me a bit of Eleanor, come to think about it. And Meg. And Diana. And Amanda. And Thomas. He actually reminds me of most of the people I grew up with."

Which is probably a huge red flag. In the meantime, Brown sticks his maw in Dan's mug and drinks his tea. It's going to be a long morning.

"Well, I'm glad to be of service." Even if the idea of squinting and looking at all the fiddly parts of sewing is sure to exacerbate Dan's pretty mighty headache. He shifts so he's sitting cross-legged on the bed; he feels like everything he's observing about Jennifer is processing through his brain in slow motion. He can see the red flags, but he feels lethargic to really understand them.

"How do you mean, you grew up with folks like Dr. Price?"

"Oh, you know, we like to talk every now and then. And well, the more you talk to someone the more you see similarities with people you knew in the past, has that happened to you too?"

She giggles because it is funny of life to do this, sometimes.

"There was this girl, Eleanor, who didn't speak much. When she did, she was polite, but she was...Cold, and didn't mind contributing to things that harmed others. She was very attached to her pet bird, and wished that she herself could fly away."

She streches on her chair.

"Thomas would be left own his own without anyone really caring about him, and he would play with this toy train he had and make it go in circles. I always thought it went in circles because it would break his heart if it reached its destination."

Brown lifts his head to stare at Jennifer, listening and wondering where this speech is going because it surprisingly sounds like it's going somewhere.

"Amanda wanted to be friends with me but hated me at the same time once I outranked her; it was like she only allowed solidarity when she was above me, in some way? Meg was a little genius who created her fair share of games and inventions, she would follow Diana everywhere and would do anything for her even if her love was completely one-sided, and Diana herself..."

She sighs, her expression has visibly saddened.

"She was hurting, and took it out on others."

"Yeah, it's happened to me too," Dan says, although this time his softness isn't because he doesn't want to aggravate his hangover by speaking too loudly, but because he doesn't want her to ask him for examples. He's spent too much time here thinking about the similarities between all the teenagers he's bonding with and the loved ones he's buried.

Easier to listen to Jennifer talk about her strange life and to realize that as silly and flaky as Jennifer seems, she's quite emotionally acute. She's got a deeper read on people than most are willing to cultivate.

"You got a good sense of people it sounds like." He pauses. "Has Dr. Price hurt you at all?"

Dan wonders if he's special in getting shoved into a river. He hopes so, not because he wants that attention but because it would mean no one else is getting endangered.

"Why, thank you!"

She is surprised by that compliment. It's not something that people seem to notice about her a lot.

"No, he has always been nice to me. Although that might be because he sees me as a child even though I am legally an adult. It looks like he has a soft spot for kids."

She gets pensive.

"Ever noticed how sometimes, when he's excited and rambles about the things he likes, he is a bit like a little kid? It's sweet when it happens, but then...He reverts into this stone wall. Probably because it's the only way he knows to feel like a proper adult, but...He did mention being in a gifted program, back in the day. Could it be that he has never had he opportunity to be a child?"

Edited 2022-02-24 09:15 (UTC)

Dan nods, unsurprised at the revelation that Price likes children. He used Dan's own kid to hoist himself up onto an ivory tower, and seemed to be upset in a very particular way about Dan using his daughter to run cons.

"It wouldn't might shock me." Dan doesn't really have any idea what a 'gifted program' is, but maybe Jennifer has a better idea of the education system than an illiterate survivalist raised underground. "I had noticed that. I reckon it's...well, I feel like his feelings are in the same place. Hard to regulate and intense, like a kid's."

Maybe that's putting too much on Jennifer, but if she's going to embark on being close to Price, she should be aware.

"About that...We talked, a couple of days ago. He always speaks of this organisation where he worked, and, well." Jennifer shrugs "The way he speaks about it, it looks like it gave him stability, and he seems so fond of it, like it's the best thing that ever happened to him, even though from what I have learned it would be...Concerning, to say the least."

She fumbles with the stuffing nervously.

"He himself said that he feels like he's going backwards, without it."

Dan nods again, but it doesn't change that the organization that Price worked for was evil - even moreso than most organizations, in Dan's perspective. He doesn't trust people, no matter how much he cares for them and puts himself in their hands; a larger organization just compounds that issue, layering reasons not to trust on top of each other, and look at how this evil project affirms Dan's point of view.

An evil organization isn't justified just because it makes one man's life have meaning.

Dan sighs and reaches over for some of the sewing materials. "Here, let me show you how to do a quick overlay stitch."

He takes a needle and starts to thread it. "He wouldn't be the first person stuck in the past."

"Yeah, um, about that..."

She is getting more nervous, because she's not sure whether this is the right decision to take, but she feels compelled.

"When he lost consciousness I was asked to stay with him, and that is when we talked. See, he's becoming very...Closed off, I suppose? He was almost afraid to tell me his side of the story, he was afraid that it would be misunderstood or twisted or just used against him in some way, so he didn't say anything, but...I encouraged him to write me a letter about it so..."

Jennifer opens a small drawer to retrieve the letter and hands it to Dan.

"Here. I know he would want to keep the secret, and I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I feel like the whole deal became bigger than it needed to be--" she then gestures frantically "I mean, of course it was a big deal! He shouldn't have pushed you, and I hope he's never going to do it again, but...Maybe too many other people got involved? And since it all started from you, I figure...That maybe you can put an end to this situation."

Jennifer is, of course, unaware that Dan cannot read.

Dan's slow to anger, but maybe it's the hangover or his embarrassment about his illiteracy that makes this request grind against his nerves. He takes the letter, setting aside the cloth and stuffing, trying to pinpoint what, exactly, is the part of this that bothers him so much.

Reacting without taking a moment to consider things never helped anyone, especially in anger, and he realizes shortly that it isn't Price that he's mad at.

"Every time I've tried to help the Counselor out, I've just made things worse. I ain't adequate to manage his mess and I don't want to be asked to." Dan didn't want it to be a big deal either. Elle overheard, and Dan was within rights to explain to his husband why he came back to bed shivering and feverish. Everything that happened after that was against Dan's wishes or intentions. "Ain't no good shutting the barn door when the horse is out."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to demand anything. I just thought you would want to get some clarity, to understand why he did what he did."

Jennifer's expression saddens, as she inevitably thinks of Wendy.

"I'm aware some things are unforgivable...But learning their reasoning helps you know yourself better. It's easy to say that it's not your fault rationally, but it's not rationally that you get to actually know that."

Brown senses her sadness and gets off the bed, sitting next to her so that she can pet him.

"Actually, you know what?" she gets up, startling the dog, locking the door and hiding the key in her dress where Dan will not try to take it "I admire you, but from what I have heard I can't trust you to do good things for yourself, so I'm going to read it to you now."

She takes the letter back, accidentally circumventing the illiteracy issue. Jennifer has a thing for both causing and solving problems on pure accident.

Edited 2022-03-22 18:27 (UTC)

Dan sighs, wanting to ask Jennifer if she really needs to read a litany of all the ways Price thinks Dan's failed him on a morning when just the sunlight filtering through the window is enough to make him want to curl up over a toilet.

But she's trying to help, and if Dan's going to cut his losses and walk away from Price, the least he can do is hear Price out. And then she takes the key, as if that could keep Dan prisoner - Dan's been able to jimmy a lock since he was a toddler - which means she means business.

"Glad my reputation precedes me," he sighs, rubbing his temples. "May as well. I'm sure he ain't got nothing to say to me I ain't already said to myself, at this rate."

Well, Price could also throw something completely crazy in there. Dan's self-critical enough, but he likes to think he's accurate in his internal assessment, and Price often doesn't seem as on the money as a professional shrink should be, in Dan's opinion.

Jennifer nods with a stern expression that hasn't been on her face ever since she was a child trying to be overly mature in that hellish orphanage, and proceeds to read:

"Dear Jennifer,
thank you for offering me an opportunity to explain my perspective more comfortably, I appreciate it. However, I don't think this letter will be of much use. All I know is that from now on I should not trust Daniel ever again. As ungrateful as this might sound, I mean it, and please believe me when I say that he crossed a line.

We were having a regular conversation when he touched the topic of prison: his takes on law and justice would sound outlandish even to you -- hey!" Jennifer realizes that this is, indeed, a remark about her, but then laughs it off and goes back to reading "but I tried to look past it because he was trying to console me. He was, however, adamant in his dislike in hearing me talk about the Director and in his insistence that I should live in the present. He even had the nerve to claim the people here cared about me when they obviously don't."

Jennifer's expression darkens, she mumbles something that sounds like 'that's sad, I do care about him'.

"I have been only looking for Agent Connecticut to warn her about potential dangers despite wanting to be close to her, I apologized to Loken, I was polite to all the newcomers in our group, and kept extending acts of service even if my help got rejected every time, I did everything I could. It wasn't difficult in itself, but I currently don't have any means to decompress, and ever since that woman put a spell on me I have been unwell. My head hurts constantly, and everything feels hard and overwhelming, with the added difficulty that my usefulness has further decreased, so I have to be even more careful when walking on eggshells. My ability to tolerate stress has been compromised, and I apologize for that, but at the moment I cannot fix this issue."

Jennifer curls her mouth and, with an apologetic shrug, she announces:

"This is the part where he gets mad at you:
Daniel, on the other hand, seems to benefit from it. He likes to be a martyr and to pursue lost causes, just so that difficult people - along with the ways he destroys his body - can be an acceptable obstacle between him and a recovery that he doesn't want. He doesn't want it because he is used to the idea of waiting to die, and yet he encourages me to think that although I was confirmed dead I have some power to change it.

He likes to give me hope, to manipulate me until I show emotions only to have them become a problem that hurts him. He gives and withdraws affection in deliberately confusing ways just so that he can cry that I misunderstood the way he is supposedly encouraging me. He prides himself on being the only one who sees me as human only to treat me like a toy...Yet he is all I have, and sometimes I feel this urge to be touched without being hit, so I go to him and he just leaves me there afterwards without knowing whether I will ever see him again and whether I will be able to get protection.

I tried to establish a boundary, to tell him how much he hurts me, but he was so quick to dismiss me and deny. The worst part, he said that it was just the way he was, that it was because he is a kind and loving person. Is he really, if he does this to me? Would it be fine if he did it to someone else? I don't think it would, and cannot bear this behaviour anymore. Of course, without him I am scared, but when I am with him I feel like I'm drowning. It's not worth it.

And this, uh, this is the part that makes me uncomfortable:
He even lied to his husband on what happened, because he knew that no one would believe me, and sent him to me. I was at my worst while he was merciless and proud of it, as always. He claimed that the reason behind my actions was that I wanted sex, and exasperated me until I saw fit to defend myself physically, only to pull up the mirror and claim that I was the one being hostile. He wanted me to walk it off, and I wanted to stand up for myself, but I failed, so 'walking it off' is the only thing I am allowed to do. If I could, I would have already done so, but either way it isn't fair that I am supposed to let people disrespect me and violate my trust over and over.

I truly cannot bear this anymore, I need to find peace. Please understand if you don't hear from me. Thank you for your kindness, Jennifer. Please take care of the children for me."

She folds the letter and sets it back inside the drawer. Emitting a big sigh, she gets Brown to perk up his ears.

"I am very concerned about him. He has been avoiding people, and he looks like he is doing better, but...I don't really think he is. Sometimes, people who are in a lot of pain have this eerie moment of calm, where they look almost content before they are gone."

She can't help but think about the smile on Stray Dog's-- Gregory's face before he pulled the trigger.

"I don't think that this is necessarily the case for him. It's just that...He is reverting to what he was before. He's...Cold, unfeeling, and yes, maybe he talks to people but he doesn't speak to them. I am conflicted about it because he looks like he is becoming functional again, but I don't want him to think he is not allowed to..." Jennifer gestures broadly "I don't know, to say he is sad and scared when he feels he is, to think it's safe to have a friend, to be...A human being. Of course, I am not saying you should do anything about it, but it was too important not to tell you."

Edited 2022-03-29 12:12 (UTC)

Dan exhales hard when Jennifer finishes reading the letter out, then again as she somehow tells him that she doesn't expect anything of him but needed to tell him anyway. He pulls out his flask and takes a drink, hoping some alcohol in his system will nudge the hangover down the road a little and because, goddamn, if anyone here is going to drive him to drink, it's Price.

"I tried to be a friend to him. I reckon I'm just the wrong sort of friend to him. He's been reading into how we interact in a way that I don't see at all."

And Dan doesn't really doubt the way he and Price have interacted; he doesn't think most of what Price said is remotely true, and what is true, about Dan using others to hurt himself because he envisions himself dead, Dan already knows.

"For what it's worth, I didn't send my husband to go talk to Price. Bunny took that initiative on his own. And I didn't say Price wanted sex. I said he got frustrated at me when I didn't want sex because it confused him as to what I did want."

He shrugs.

"I'm concerned about him too, but there ain't shit I can do about it. Pardon the language."

"So did you use him or not?"

She does sound rather stern, despite all.

"I'm not mad at you, but if you really wanted to be his friend you have to answer honestly. By any means, please let me know if I can help you feel safer around him, but I vowed to never let my friends get hurt again, and now that includes Dr Price as well. If he says he tried to establish a boundary and you violated it I am going to believe him, out of principle. I would act the same if the parties were reversed."

"Back on the Rig, I slept with him because I wanted to be distracted from something that was bothering me. And I apologized for that, and I never used him that way again."

Dan doesn't want to lose patience with a teenage girl over the allegations Price is making, but he isn't sure what's being asked of him anymore, and it's starting to feel like a lecture over rumors.

"I'm avoiding him. I intend to continue doing so. What else do you want?"

"I just want to understand." she reverts to her usual sympathetic ways "I am not saying that you did it out of malice, but he knows that if I am the only one that believes him he isn't going to achieve anything that would allow him to do anything dangerous to others. I know that many would disagree with me on this, but...I don't think this letter is a manipulation, and I don't think he feels hurt for no reason."

Brown doesn't move, side eyes Dan as if to ask if he's actually understanding any of this or if he too thinks it doesn't make any sense. Jennifer sighs.

"Look, let me give you an example from my experience. There was this girl I knew, Wendy. We were very close, and we promised each other everlasting true love. She was always sick and bedridden, and wanted to be alone with me all the time. Then I found a puppy, Brown, and was so excited to have a new friend. She hated him, and I kept trying to convince her that taking care of him would have helped our relationship, because I still think nurturing something together is the highest form of love, but you know what she said? That I should have gotten rid of him, that I should have only shared my smile with her, and that I was heartless for giving my love to both instead of only to her."

Her expression darkens. She starts sewing a little stuffed ball of clothing.

"So she had me bullied and had him killed...And I got so angry that I don't even know how many times I slapped her. I said I would never forgive her, but...Time passed, and I realized something: I was everything to her, and she felt like I broke our promise. Even if she was one of the cruelest people I have ever met, I feel sorry for her, because she was lonely, and while I may not have done anything wrong back then, I still hurt her. As disproportionate as her reaction was, I did."

She wants to cry a little bit, it's all so heartbreaking still.

"If Dr Price is even remotely similar to her, and I feel like he is, then I need to know what happened so that I can handle him. Wendy was not even ten years old when she felt that way. For someone to have these feelings at his age, I don't think anyone has ever treated him decently, or he would know what love is like, what friendship is like, he would not talk so fondly about people that never cared about him and think of them as family. In his eyes, he was compliant, he followed every order, he did everything perfectly, and was using his strange methods to save the world only to be betrayed, abandoned, and then blamed for everything. I don't even want to imagine what that must feel like."

Her voice breaks because, honestly, she doesn't need to imagine. The downside of having so much empathy is that it can quickly become overwhelming.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't take this situation so personally, and I never meant to be harsh to you. I am sorry that you got scared and confused, I'm sorry about your leg, it's just...That I don't think you want to be that type of person that he's describing, I know you don't want your actions to make him afraid of people who genuinely want to be his friends."

Edited 2022-04-01 12:30 (UTC)

Dan gets up. He makes sure the sewing materials aren't about to fall off the bed, and he steps away from it.

"I'm done with this conversation, Jennifer. I'm sorry." He doesn't say it meanly. He says it as gently and softly and exhaustedly as he can. "I know Dr. Price is in pain. I tried to take some of that pain away, and I didn't do it right, and it just added to both of us getting hurt.

"You read the letter. He don't trust me, and he don't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm giving him what's best for us both by giving him space. I know I fucked up back on the Rig. I know he's hurting. I ain't angry at him. I ain't trying to turn folks against him. He shoved me in a river, and the only consequence I gave him for that is that I asked for some space and told my husband and Elle my honest interpretation of what happened - and asked them to both be gentle with him if they talked to him about it. Price couldn't have might picked on a more forgiving, nicer victim."

Dan so rarely stands up for himself, but he's given Price patience and protection and understanding and it's never enough, and now Price is enlisting Jennifer to be his debt-collector when all Dan wants to do is walk away.

Which is what he's doing. He pauses at the doorway. "Be careful, Jennifer. Don't let him convince you it's alright for him to hurt you just because he's real sad about things."

Jennifer is disappointed to hear this. She violated Price's trust too by reading the letter out loud to someone else, by merely mentioning it to someone else, and it was...For nothing. What disappoints her is that seeing Dan's reaction she thinks 'this can't be all there is to this', but she wasn't there, as much as she thinks it might be the case she cannot argue that Price isn't referring to what happened on the Rig, and even if she could it's not her place to do so. Is she really too optimistic for her own good?

"He hasn't hurt me, and I don't think he will...But thank you, I will be careful." she gets the key and opens the door "Do you have any advice?"

Dan wants to say he will, but one of the ways Dan's decided to handle this is to try not to poison the well against Price. He knows some people in the camp are warning others away from Price, and Dan can't stop them, but he also doesn't have to contribute.

"Yeah, if he makes you feel poorly...remember that he's in charge of his own actions. He can tell you that folks made him act a certain way, or lash out a certain way, but it's still his decision to act like that." Dan folds his arms.

"If he wants to talk to me and ask me to make nice with the camp on his behalf, he can come to me himself and do that. I'd appreciate an apology for shoving me in the river, one without a bunch of excuses about how I'd violated some sort of boundary so he didn't have no choice when I was trying to be nice and I was hurting and completely incapable of doing jack shit to him, but I don't expect one and won't hold it against him if he don't give one to me. Or if he don't give one to me for the other hurtful things he done to me that he don't take responsibility for."

Edited 2022-04-01 19:23 (UTC)

"I'm so sorry, Dan. You do deserve an apology, although I'm not sure it will happen soon enough. I feel like I need to specify that this wasn't his idea, I asked to talk to you because I wanted to. He has no idea I shared the letter with someone else, and I certainly didn't want to make this worse for him or for you. I understand if you don't want me to touch this topic anymore."

She nervously sews another couple of roundish balls of cloth.

"So, what should I sew? Teddybear, or another stuffed animal?"

"Like I said. I won't hold it against him when I don't get one." Dan shakes his head, then regrets it, because his temples are pounding. "Go for the bear. It's a classic."

He gives her a soft wave. "I'll see you around."

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Everyone needs friends!

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Rule of Rose spoilers (+cw: referenced animal death)

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