wildestlogs | FLIGHT TO THE FORD

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FLIGHT TO THE FORD

The Palace is not a safe place. It's far too open and elegant, its walls broken down, its doors thrown open. There are far too many places their enemies can crawl in through. But there is an entirely different land on the other side of the palace, with an entirely different climate.

It's a land of cool temperate forests. It has a gnarled look to it. While things glow, they're knotty and thorny and a little dreary. Every so often a petrified troll can be found, covered in moss. These aren't like the trolls some of them saw frozen in Trollmarket - they're larger, uglier, and more menacing. But they're permanently frozen and no longer a danger.

Otherwise it's just misty forest. Mountains can be seen in the distance. In some areas, a road is visible, but it's perhaps not a safe place to travel, given they have enemies after them. The forest is a genuinely good place to hide. The Shadowhunters have given up chase, frightened off by the Nazgul.

And while the occasional Nazgul screech can be heard far off in the distance, they don't try to attack again.

But this is not because they've given up. They're simply waiting. Because some of the group have been poisoned by the shards of Morgul-blades. They're simply biding their time until those people turn into wraiths under their command.

They're biding their time until they can command them to destroy the group from within.

OOC DETAILS
❧ Quest magic: Players can handwave that the quest bond magic is tugging the group together, so they can regroup.

❧ Archivist Spells: There will be little eddies of magic left near the occasional little bit of human ruins. These spells run a little dark.

Death flashback spells: This spell causes a target to get stuck in a 15 second traumatic flashback of a death of a human warrior in the ancient realm of Arnor, a place that was once filled with people that were gradually culled by the dark forces of one o the Nazgul - the Witch-king. The target is completely distracted during this time. Archivists can bank up to 3 iterations of this spell. Casting the spell causes a temporary Necromancer style curse effect on the Archivist: eyes going completely black for 2 minutes, and plants withering and dying around the caster. The effects are not permanent.

❧ Network: Feel free to use the network in parallel with the log events. The log can be where characters regroup, get first aid, etc. A network post can go up to allow everyone to coordinate their efforts. The mods will leave that up to one of the players.

❧ Resources: As far as food goes, there are not many edible plants in the area, just the occasional edible root. Deer and rabbits can be found but they're rare. The occasional beehive can also be found but one has to somehow get rid of the bees or mop up honey that's dripped below it. There are not many supplies to be found here. However, there are a few plants and substances that can be used for first aid, if some among their number know about them:

Athelas: A sweet smelling green plant with small blue flowers. It can be used to cure the Black Breath by boiling it in water and allowing the victim to breathe in the vapors. It can also slow the transformation caused by Morgul-blades if the wound is washed by water that has had athelas boiled in it. This can also help relieve some of the pain and cold. It smells extremely fresh and sweet, often reminding people smelling of it specific scents that remind them of home. This means it can smell different ways to different people, such making one person smell apple orchards from back home, and another fresh cut grass after a rain. Use of this herb is more potent in the hands of a king. Thanks to the magic affecting the land, it will do so for any king.

Honey: This can offer some help for disinfecting puncture wounds, but works especially well for burns, like ones caused by the grazes of the Shadowhunters' angel blades.

Foxglove: A mashed poultice of this can be put on wounds to help with healing and prevent infection.

Pine sap: Can be used as a wound disinfectant.

Willow Bark: A tea made from willow bark can be used for pain but is not recommended if someone is still bleeding heavily, as it is also a blood thinner.

Poppies: There are a few small patches of poppies. Poppies can be used as an opioid pain reliever, by eating the seeds or making a tea out of them.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dan grits his teeth, but he doesn't squirm and doesn't make any noise as Elle does her work. He even watches, taking note of her experienced hands, her thoughtful demeanor.

When she's done, he feels like he can finally exhale all the way.

"Heh. It ain't been all bad. I found tobacco leaves in the market, so I can make my smile real appealing." Dan is absolutely planning on seeing if Bunny refuses to kiss him entirely with orange teeth. "And as far as I can tell, ain't a one of us dead yet."

So, it's not that it hasn't sucked, but just that it could be worse.

"Thank you."

"Always lookin' on the bright side, eh?"

That's good. Someone has to.

"I'd recommend resting for a little bit before trynna move more. You don't want to make that thing any worse than it already is."

Which is her not-so-subtle way of saying 'stay where you are or I'll sit on you'.

"Trust me, I'm in no hurry to move anywhere." Dan slumps back into the moss and exhales deep. "I'm just going to lay here and enjoy the breeze."

And shudder every time there's the sound of Nazgul screeching in the background. God, if he only had a cigarette.

"You want to come by for dinner next time we set up camp anywhere?" He's been suspecting that socializing is Elle's way of avoiding whatever's stressing her out, but there are worse ways for her to handle it. He hopes.

Elle sits down next to him.

"I'll be sure to put on my Sunday best," she jokes. "It's be nice to sit down with the two of you. I haven't gotten to talk to Bunny that much. I've been trying to at least introduce myself to everyone but," she shrugs "some people have fallen through the cracks."

Dan is absolutely correct that Elle looking after everyone else is her favored method of avoidance. Whether there are worse ways to handle it-- well, she hasn't Frenzied, so there's that.

Elle's spending a lot of time Not Thinking About things when it comes to herself rather than others. It's just easier that way. Completely unsustainable, but she knows she can keep going like this for a while longer if necessary. Things probably won't calm down for a while yet, so she has some time to try and figure out how deal with herself before the time comes.

"I know what you mean. There are at least a handful I ain't gotten to talk to yet, or at least, ain't gotten to know." He runs his hands over his face again, shifting a little to try and find a more comfortable position for his injured leg, for his bruised back and neck.

Not being able to move around and do things is going to be difficult on Dan. He hasn't been laid up and unable to work for any long period of time since he broke his ankle as a child, and the Shadowhunter told him that no magic would speed this injury's healing.

Unfortunately Elle has no way to help Dan get more comfortable, so she resigns herself to providing distracting conversation instead.

"And some of the ones I've talked too... I saw you and that Price guy wandering around before we got attacked. I've been trying to get a read on him, but it hasn't been easy. What's his deal?"

Elle figures this is a fairly safe topic. She's still new and trying to get her bearings and Dan likes helping people and not focusing on himself. What could go wrong?

"Ah. Price."

Dan draws his lips in a thin line as he thinks over the best way to explain a difficult relationship with a difficult person. Far be it for him to poison the well for Price and isolate Price further by speaking ill of him to Elle, but also, he can't in good conscience leave Elle without the necessary information to protect herself in case Price decides to target her for his misbehavior.

"He's a friend, but you might could have noticed that he's a bit of a pariah around here. Back in his world, he had a good deal of military power, and he used it to hurt folks in ways they're justified in not ever forgiving. That's something of public knowledge, now, so don't no one want nothing to do with him."

Dan sighs.

"He's learning how to be part of a community, same as me. He's petty and unpredictable and he lashes out a lot, so it's really just me that he's friends with." Because Dan is so impossible to drive away. "He's lonely, and he feels persecuted all the time, and I reckon for most of his adult life exerting power over other folks was the only way he knew not to feel powerless."

Okay, maybe not such a safe topic.

She takes a moment to process what Dan's saying, fully considering his words and the weight of them. She purses her lips before speaking.

"Is it safe for you to be the only person he's interacting with?" is the first question she asks, because that's the most important one. Not physically safe, but emotionally. Is Dan putting up the boundaries necessary to protect himself and Price from both of their unhealthy behaviors? Or are they feeding into each others worst tendencies?

"Sure. Why wouldn't it be?"

Dan knows what she's getting at, but as far as he's concerned, it's his business with Price. Their friendship is complicated, and Elle wouldn't be the first to advise Dan away from Price.

"There ain't no way he can lash out at me that'll actually stick. I know him too well to take it personal."

Price hasn't gone after anyone else in an attempt to hurt Dan - except for trying to be passive-aggressive about returning Dan's wedding ring to Bunny - and that's the only thing Dan's really worried about.

Elle has no interest in telling Dan to stay away from Price. As far as she's concerned, he's doing the right thing in making sure Price has someone to actually interact with.

The question was more of Dan's ability to do so healthily on his own, but Elle probably should've expected Dan's deflected answer. If the Dan was actually able to maintain boundaries in that relationship, he wouldn't be feigning ignorance to the potential pitfalls.

She chooses not to call him out on it. For now.

"Sounds like he's someone who needs more people in his corner."

People who aren't Dan, that is. Elle's gotten the impression that Dan would let people hurt him over and over again if he's unable run away to avoid them.

"Do you think... How can I help? If most people aren't in a position to even tolerate him, then it sounds like those who are should be doing what they can to make sure he's not lashing out and hurting himself. Or others."

Helping abusers reform or recover... it's a complicated matter. But if isolating Price further just increases his likelihood of hurting someone (Dan), then she wants to do her part. It wouldn't hurt her to reach out to Price the same way it would other people, and she's relatively confident in her ability to maintain the necessary boundaries to protect herself.

"He do."

Dan sighs and twists his mouth to the side as he thinks about what Price needs, how to balance Price's antisocial tendencies with Elle's altruism.

"If you reach out to him, do it for him, not for me." He's got a sense of what Elle's putting herself into when she says or others. "And be prepared for him to distrust you at first. He thinks every gesture of kindness is suspect. He's used to thinking of things as transactions, so he suspects that everything nice folks do for him is a pretext to get him in their debt or to mock him."

Price still often treats Dan that way, as if anything decent Dan does towards Price is actually an attack in disguise.

"I'm worried...I'm worried that without someone to keep an eye on him, he's going to lash out in a way that the group won't tolerate anymore, and won't be able to coexist with him after. Because of all this teleportation magic, ain't no way to just exile him, so I'm worried if he transgresses, some of the more impulsive folks in the group may see fit to kill him."

It's probably an uncharitable read on the group, but Dan's aware of how many people would have killed Price, given the chance, on the Rig. And he's aware that Price is capable of true cruelty.

Elle's relieved that Dan's being more honest now. It gives her a better idea of the way Dan's been dealing with Price-- and the potential ways that has and could go wrong.

He's right to be worried. Back in Elle's world, someone like Price would be dead several times over already, but that's not an option here (not that it really should be an option there).

"...Does he understand what he did wrong? Beyond other people hating him for it, has anyone explained to him why he shouldn't have done those things in a way that he can understand?"

Or is Price working within a set of rules he doesn't understand and has come to resent, which would just dig him deeper into his toxic behavior.

"It's been explained to him, but I don't reckon he truly understands it. I think..." Dan sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I think he's of two minds. He wants to engage with people, but all the ways that he was rewarded for engaging with people in the past was through cruelty and sadism, because he was in a corrupt military structure. Now he's got no power and no blueprint for how to act when he ain't being praised for hurting people."

Dan starts to chew on his bandaged hand absent-mindedly. "I reckon he thinks that when he lashes out at folks, that's his bid for engagement, and then when folks rightly recoil from it he takes it as proof that he's not welcome."

Which Price isn't. No one welcomes him except Dan.

"In a sick way, I reckon he thinks being manipulative and hurtful to people is a form of...I don't know, affection. It always got him praise and attention in the past. Now it don't, and he don't know what to do."

It's strange to talk about an adult man as if he were a cat being trained not to scratch the couch, but something about Price seems so stunted, so confused, so childlike.

Edited 2022-01-09 07:04 (UTC)

Elle is perfectly at home talking about a grown man this way. It's one of her most common pastimes with Marcus-- analyzing other people and figuring out what the best course of action is for dealing with them. Talking about Price likes this is probably the most at home she's felt since she got here.

"So he's looking for validation, using the behaviors that received it in the past, and getting rejected for it."

She gently pats Dan's hand, a silent reminder not to chew on it. She doesn't look at him while she does it, allowing him to respond however he needs. Elle's own nails have been bitten short since she got here.

"What's my best shot at getting him to listen to what I have to say?"

Edited 2022-01-09 07:31 (UTC)

Dan lowers his hand, looking a bit sheepish and then fiddling around in his pocket for his wooden box of opium.

"Reckon that depends on what you want to tell him."

Dan, for all his time with Price and all his powers of social observation, can't accurately predict how Price will react to most situations. He doubts even Price has a real understanding of how he'll react to people.

She nods, because that's fair.

"I can help him understand, if he's willing to listen."

Because that's what it comes down to, right? If he doesn't understand then he'll never be able to change his behavior. She starts fiddling with a tuft of grass she's sitting next to.

"I'm good at framing things in ways to help other people understand," she glances to the side and gives a small smile. "I figure that's a good place to start, with Price."

What did he say his first name was? Aiden, that's right.

"You might could be a little overconfident, there."

Dan says it in the most gentle way possible, and he does consider that maybe Elle's right - but he doesn't understand enough about the context Price abused others in to describe it to her, or to relay how it could be explained. As far as Dan understands, it involved a lot of very personal violations over a long period of time, and then when Price was removed from that power he tried to use a public apology as a way to Trojan horse in an agenda. It's enough to make his head spin.

"But I do know that right now, he thinks that we're an unpleasable group of people. We don't accept his apologies, we don't like him behaving the way he knows how to behave, and when he asks what he needs to do to be a part of the group we either tell him to drop dead or to give us an apology...which we won't accept. So he reckons it's some broken part of him and that that gives him license not to try."

Dan takes a breath. He's spent many nights up late thinking over the barrage of damage and mixed signals Price sends him.

"I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but he appreciates when I call him Counselor. That was his old title, when he was some sort of military therapist. I been letting him try and practice on me, you know, in the hopes that if I treat him as trustworthy he'll rise to my expectations."

Edited 2022-01-09 08:05 (UTC)

Elle can feel her brain short circuit at Dan's confession.

"Dan."

It takes her a minute to get past that one word.

"Dan," she repeats, very, very calmly. She is doing her best not to have any judgement in her tone, and is mostly successful.

"You're giving a known abuser, who doesn't understand why the things he did were wrong, power over your medical and mental state without any boundaries to protect either of you... to give him room to behave differently when he has no understanding of why he should do so?"

Please say no. She knows Dan's not going to, but please for the love of God and Gaia say no.

She knows Dan hates being told what to do. She knows if she flat-out told him to stop he'd just dig his heels in deeper. This is the only thing keeping her from yelling at him right now.

Dan raises his eyebrow at Elle in a defiant expression. A you're not the boss of me expression. Pushing Dan around is a surefire way to get Dan to terminate the relationship with anyone except Bunny, and even with him, Dan feeling steamrolled has been a source of extreme contention.

"No, Elle. I'm letting a friend play-act out a profession he misses. It's just talk therapy. It ain't like I'm letting him jab me full of needles." Dan rolls his eyes a little. "He knows I expect him not to hurt or take advantage of me. So far, he's met that standard. I reckon it's been good for him."

Dan doesn't know if it was, but as he's rationalized it to himself: if he treats Price like a threat, the same way everyone else does, Price will dig down to that low expectation. If he treats Price like someone worth trusting and believing in, Price will respond to the good faith with good faith of his own.

The idea of Price being treated like a burden, threat and liability by everyone in this camp breaks Dan's heart. The pain he sees in Price is very real, and Dan feels a calling to ameliorate pain where he sees it.

Elle takes a deep breath. "Dan. I respect you and your decisions, even if I disagree with them. But there are several reasons why what you said concerns me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd hear me out."

Please, Dan. Please actually listen to what she has to say, here. This isn't just about his well-being, but Price's too. She's so fucking tired of people not listening when she has something important to say, and so far Dan's been a huge exception to that. Please Dan.

Dan folds his arms, but he gives Elle a look like go on. "Alright. Tell me all the ways you think you know better about this than I do."

He can't help but sound a little snarky about it, but he truly is so, so loath to take directions from anyone else. Dan is passive, Dan is accommodating, Dan is so rarely proactive that he hardly knows what it means - but his sense of independence is wound through his very spine.

Elle purses her lips.

"I don't want to tell you what to do, or how you should think. I just... you said something that sounded really concerning to me."

How can she make Dan understand? She doesn't want to go through what she wants if Dan's not even going to listen. She looks down at her hands.

"My mother was. She was emotionally abusive," she says quietly.

Elle doesn't talk about this. Not in this way, at least. She'll talk about her mother being controlling, and abut how she hasn't gone back to see her in years, but not about what Elle actually experienced. She'll talk about the facts of the situation all day, but rarely how it felt.

"I didn't really realize it until I left home. At least, not the full extent."

Dan's face softens, but his resolve doesn't. He holds two feelings at the same time, the empathy for Elle and what she was experienced and the certainty that he's dealing appropriately with his most troublesome friend. He can see how Elle's blurred the lines between the two - he likely would too, in her position - but he sees the two issues as indisputably distinct.

"I'm sorry." He means it. Dan doesn't apologize about these things out of just searching for something to say. "That must have could been a horrible series of revelations."

Probably similar, Dan thinks, to how he lost his religion after leaving the bunker and the farm. The disintegration, ugly piece by ugly piece, of those truths which he had always just taken for granted. It must have been agonizing to have those little realizations over and over of something so foundational as a mother's love.

Elle shrugs. She's dealt with it, for the most part, but that doesn't mean she likes going over it.

"It sucked," she said frankly. "But once I realized how unhealthy her behaviors were, I did a lot of research. I'm going to use the term abuser, but I'm not using as a moral judgment, just as a descriptor for a set of behaviors."

Elle isn't trying to pass judgment. Not on Price or on Dan.

"And I know you're an adult, and you can make your own decisions. I just. I want to make sure they're fully informed. So if you'd hear me out, you can choose to do whatever you want with it. I'm not-- I'm not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing, or even that I know better. But I have my own set of information and experience that could help you do what's best for you and Price, even if that's continuing as you have been."

Elle has no real power to exercise over Dan and his decisions, but she suspects that Dan's trauma makes that difficult for him to see.

Dan feels his teeth grit at the back of his jaw. He doesn't really trust any sort of research that could come from books, only from folklore, from word of mouth, and from his own experience. Most research has been in institutions locked to him, and as such unproven to him.

"Alright. I'm listening." She's respecting his right to autonomy, which is such a hair-trigger for him. He nearly burned down his marriage over his right to make his own decisions. He's defined his entire life by not having to answer to anyone but his own heart. The idea of relinquishing his own judgment to someone else is uniquely terrifying to him, since he's been living out the consequences of his parents' poor decision-making for two decades and change.

When Dan can't run away from conflict, he tends to just shut down.

"But please bear in mind that I've known Price the better part of a year, and you know him mostly from a brief conversation with me."

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CW: discussion of emotional abuse

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