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MEMORY SHARE ※ 1

MEMORY SHARE

It's during a pause in their day. A nap. An idle moment looking out from the gardens at the landscape passing by below. Taking a moment to catch their breath after a jog in one of the castle's larger magic rooms.

The squad is suddenly connected. Mental pathways locking together, they're forced into one another's innermost beings. Thrust into one another's memory palaces where the mind collects and stores everything that makes them who they are. The core of their beings are only a few steps away and no one can prevent the link.

To make matters worse, it comes with no explanation or no ability to pull out and stop. Once they're through the first memory, perhaps they can find a way out, but they're already witnessing some event from their host's past. And, if they left, who knows whether or not they'd end up accidentally invading another memory palace?

And if they were there, who was in theirs?

[ooc: So, how this works: the memories can either be viewed in spectator mode or the guest can be experiencing everything themselves. The person whose memories are being shown, the host, can watch as their current self or take the form they had of their past self. They can also be invisible until the memory is finished. They can talk about the memory with the "guest" that's visiting.

They cannot control the first memory shown, the player decides that, but they can sometimes control any other memories they'd like to show people after. Of course, there's also always the option of an extreme emotional reaction bringing up other memories unbidden.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Greetings, Director." the smile on Price's face while entering the room, despite the voice, proves that he can barely contain his enthusiasm "I finished my research, and I believe that--"

"Leave it on my desk," the Director doesn't even turn to look at him "I will read it later."

Feeling a bit put out, he nods. "Yes, sir."

The Director mindlessly takes a sip off the mug he's holding, staring at a screen. It looks like he's watching the Beta AI.

"I see you are still watching the Beta AI." the Director scrunches his nose and overall crumples his face in response, but Price keeps going "Is there anything you would like to update me about?"

"Not yet." the reply is almost distracted, like he just wants to keep minding his business.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Counselor, I am sure." he replies very fast, not angry yet but visibly irritated "You can go back to work, now. Dismissed."

Price is just about to go when he feels the need to pester him further with his enthusiasm.

"By the way, it is an honour for me to witness such discovery. We should contact the UNSC to discuss it."

The Director seems to almost flinch at the mere idea, clenching his jaw.

"And why the hell would I do that, Counselor?"

"We were only granted one Artificial Intelligence. It's important to hand in all the documentation and notify the authorities."

"Absolutely not." noticing how harsh it came across, the Director almost acts like he's correcting himself, but he definitely doesn't think he's wrong, he simply doesn't want Price to ask questions "Bureaucracy is a waste of time, it will only slow us down, and the enemy doesn't wait."

"I am aware, sir, and I do share your concerns. However, going through the bureaucratic aspects now will not only save us time later, it will also most likely grant us the authorization to run more...In depth experiments."

The Director still doesn't look at him, but raises an eyebrow.

"Mh. And I'm assuming these experiments you speak of are listed in your research?"

"Yes sir. Hypotheses, possible variables and outcomes, along with all the data we have collected so far."

"Well, then. If your hypotheses are valid, we will simply get back to work. No need to alert authorithies."

"Um...About that..." Price's already quiet voice becomes a mumble, he's intimidated "The experiments I had in mind might not exactly be...Ethical, if ran behind their back. Hence why I would appreciate your opinion, I do trust your judgment in moral matters."

He truly trusts it, and has no way to tell that he shouldn't. The man he is looking at is an acclaimed genius, and joined the cause out of empathy and will to save the universe, why wouldn't he trust him? The Director does turn slightly, forty degrees to the right. Yes, Price calculated it.

"How would it be unethical, exactly?"

"It would violate protocol. But if we were to formally ask for permission--"

"We would be formally denied. You know damn well that their regulations on Artificial Intelligence are too strict, they would never let us implement anything like the Beta in the battlefield before taking multiple years to assess that it's safe enough for them."

"We could still work with the Alpha."

Then, completely out of the blue, the Director snaps and starts shouting, throwing the mug in his general direction, hitting the door frame. The coffee isn't scalding hot but it does burn him, and he can't help but be startled by the mug shattering near him.

"WE ARE NOT LETTING THEM TAKE THE BETA! SHE IS OUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET, SHE WILL BE ON THE BATTLEFIELD!"

While the Director might not be muscular, he is tall, imposing, and very aggressive. Price's timid body language is meant to let anyone think he is unassuming, but it is still not completely fake, there is something deeply ingrained about it, and this outbursts causes him to physically shrink even more.

"THEY WILL NOT LET US HANDLE THE PROJECT THE WAY WE ESTABLISHED, AND WE WILL ONLY BE INDEPENDENT ON PAPER, BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO ORDER US AROUND AND MICROMANAGE EVERY SINGLE STEP WE ARE GOING TO TAKE, IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!"

"No, sir."

"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SMARTER THAN THAT. DO YOU REALLY TRUST MY JUDGMENT?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then act like it. If you really value our next potential discoveries, you should know that mutual trust is crucial in ambitious endeavours such as this project. If we are not seeing eye to eye on critical matters, perhaps we should settle this down before anyone gets hurt."

Price gulps. Is this a threat? It feels like one.

"I agree, sir."

"Follow my orders or I will find someone else who will. Are you with me?"

"Yes, sir, always."

"Mh." the Director snatches the research material out of his hand "Give me that."

A bit curled over himself, Price nervously looks up at the Director, who then glares at him.

"Dismissed."

And with that, Price nods and leaves.

Witnessing this memory leaves him with a bittersweet taste. He is still half afraid of the Director and half angry at him, but he misses him. Despite all, he still trusts his judgment on moral matters, because it was not his morals that failed him, it was grief.

Not even looking at whoever else is watching this memory play out, current Price feels the need to justify him:

"This was an unflattering memory, he was just having a bad day..."

Edited 2022-03-31 21:32 (UTC)

"...Aiden, I'm gonna be clear with you, but this kinda seems like far more than a bad day"

Criticizing other people comes pretty easy to Filbo when he's not talking directly to them. It's not a good habit, and it's kind of two-faced, but that's what he does -- and knowing this Director is just a figment of Price's memory means he feels able to speak bluntly.

"No, Mayor Fiddlepie," what's with the first name basis? Stop. "the Director simply cared a lot about the Beta, it was all that was left of his wife. I should have been more careful not to provoke him."

"From what I can see here you shouldn't be blaming yourself for how he treated you, but..."

Maybe the right thing to do here is to listen to Price and ask for things as he sees them. He cares a lot about his perspective and how he feels and thinks, he better ask, Filbo thinks.

"...I guess you'd know better than anyone else what happened. Why is he so mad?"

"He was always prone to aggression. His wife was a touchy subject, any outburst was to be expected. I wish he listened to me whenever I voiced my concerns, but...He was my superior, and I felt that obeying would have been worth it. It was worth it, until he spiralled..."

"What happened when he spiralled?"

Judging by what he saw about this man's temper, him spiralling can't have been a harmless event that only affected himself. He hopes he's mistaken.

"It doesn't matter." mostly because it isn't Price's fault in any way, of course "All you need to know is that now the project has fallen apart and everyone but two agents died or disappeared, and certainly that was not our goal. We wanted to save the galaxy and failed. The Director failed."

Of course Price is bitter, he did everything perfectly and look how that got him.

Aziraphale would not, with the benefit of hindsight and learning to be slightly more honest about those sorts of things, make any claim that Heaven provided an environment where he was, say... respected or well-liked.

If he was anything, it was tolerated.

The memory he witnesses here makes it look like a veritable picnic in comparison.

He winds up taking an instinctive step forward at some point, sort of hovers in the strange zone of knowing he can't make the memory not have happened and half-forgetting that there won't be any actual need to stand between it and the version of Price watching it from the outside.

Retired or not, he was made for shepherding and guardianship purposes.

"My dear fellow, I can assure you there's not a day bad enough to justify behavior so unprofessional."

It's a mild way of putting it. Very mild. But it does rather defeat the purpose of disagreeing with something that was terribly aggressive to be aggressive about it in turn.

Price emits a tiny 'oh' when he sees Aziraphale step between him and the memory. He's not used to being protected, not unconditionally.

"The Director was not the most professional, I have to agree." a barely audible defeated chuckle "But he was a good person, the bravest man I have ever known."

If only it worked out, if only the Director didn't abandon him...They would all wash their mouth before daring to speak against him.

Edited 2022-04-05 09:23 (UTC)

"Yes, well, all the same."

He doesn't care for the man. Okay, he cares for the man, generally, he cares about every living creature. But he doesn't expect he'd have cared for that man's company.

Matter of standards.

"I've found there's occasionally a notable difference between doing good and being kind. While the former can certainly be very important, I do tend to prefer the latter day-to-day. Everyone deserves to be treated with a certain amount of... of dignity."

Price looks like he is having a hard time processing that.

"He was in no way obliged to be kind to me. What was important was to ensure that everyone did their job adequately, and that was for the Director to decide."

Aziraphale has been taking umbrage with the very premise of this overall-- incident with the Castle. The forced intrusion, being thrust into a position to tread all over someone else's privacy for no discernible reason.

He would be lying if he said some things haven't provided insight on the people around him. And this certainly shines a light.

Lack of obligation has always been one of his favorite things about seeing kindness. All the more reason for it to exist. But he supposes everyone has a different relationship with different concepts, in different contexts.

"I rather expect," he says gently, "that if he'd explained himself in a reasonable tone of voice, you'd have understood his point just as well. You're very perceptive. I've seen it for myself. So I do hope you'll forgive my stepping out of place to say that if this behavior was the standard, then I don't care at all for the way he behaved towards you."

Price looks like he's going to shut down. People who are nice to him are either trying to change him - and they even have the nerve to think they are doing something! No one thinks 'I am going to be nice to that person so that they'll stop being autistic' is a good course of action, so why would this? - or clueless and making excuses to give up on him once they realize how he really is. He suspects Aziraphale falls in the second category. He has to.

"Yes, I would have understood, however the Director handled me wisely in channelling my energy towards our goal correctly."

Is he mad at the Director? Of course he is, but he's all Price has left. If events turned out differently, the Director would have saved him, because he needed him. They depend on each other in a way that other people simply can't understand.

"He had anger issues, but I assure you he was the best person I have ever known."

Edited 2022-04-10 15:01 (UTC)

It's odd. When Aziraphale really thinks about it. The mix of fear and reverence, the inherent acceptance of certain things as very firm truths of reality.

Familiar. Actually.

"Ah. All things considered, it may actually be pot and kettle of me to push the matter."

Point one for self-awareness.

"I firmly disagree with your Director's methods, mind you. I'd prefer to see you treated more kindly." He can't not prefer that. Even the most basic consideration is something. "But I'll admit I'm still quite fond of the Almighty, myself. And She does have a very notable history of-- acting out."

Quite thoroughly, at times.

And he still loves Her. And he still fears Her. And he still wants to believe the best possible interpretation of Her intent, even when it seems She's been looking away for ages and couldn't even peek back in for Armageddon.

"He knew better than me when it came to moral matters, while still valuing the objective. I believe he still would if he was here, so of course I trusted him."

Although, in those who know the situation in-depth, it would beg the question whether the Director was right to trust him. The man was suicidal and Price enabled his terrible coping mechanism just to see what was going to happen...But Aziraphale doesn't know, so Price gives him puppy eyes and his cutest baby face.

"He gave me everything. I couldn't possibly know."

It's certainly a look on the matter from a specific angle. There's a very real value in that.

A justifiable warning does not a full picture make. And while Aziraphale can't say he expects a full picture of Mister Price's past to be especially squeaky clean or good, strictly speaking, that doesn't stop him from believing it's only fair to take new pieces in stride.

Everyone is different, and life is very complicated.

"Have you considered-- not to pry, of course, no need to answer if you don't like, but if you're so inclined. Have you considered... branching out on that front, with your time away? Seeking new perspectives that you might trust or, or take to? Morality can be an odd thing to parse, now and again."

"Yes, I have considered it, however...I don't think I can. Not fully, at least."

What's the point of branching out if he's basically going to die as soon as he comes back 'home' to that cold cell? There is just no room for him in a happy future, because it's him being dead that makes it happy.

"If you were to give me your guidance, I would deeply appreciate it, but I can't ask you that. I have abundantly proven that I am a lost cause, you would just end up drained and...Inconvenienced, to put it lightly."

Aziraphale tilts his head.

"Counselor, I'm a Principality. Guidance and shepherding are half the point of me. The other half is guardianship. I've been at it for over six thousand years. If you believe you would benefit from my help, you're more than welcome to ask."

The rest are trappings, personality, the things he enjoys, the life he carved out. But tendering his resignation certainly did nothing to shift the core of him. His nature informed the tendering, really.

And there is, ultimately, the gentle truth of the matter:

"Anything you've done, I've loved humanity through already."

"But I--"

Kinda messed up that he feels the need to argue that he's not human when he literally is.

"I am not like humans are supposed to be. I have been studying, obeying my superiors, paying attention to my surroundings, yet I can't seem to...Become human like everyone else."

He doesn't even sound heartbroken, dehumanization is one of the most tragic feelings a human can experience but he's so used to it that it's just a daily annoyance that he's irritated with because 'he can't figure it out'. It doesn't even hurt anymore.

Every conversation with this man is like clicking another bit of a codex into the right place.

Less in the sense of a puzzle to solve and more in the sense of a decoding. Translation of thought. People look different when they're viewed through their own lens.

"Last I heard on the matter, there was no one uniform way that every person was supposed to turn out at all. It goes a bit against the point of individuality."

Although often enough, there are pockets of humanity that fall into a natural cultural conformity. Oh, but those are less should be and much more happened to find.

"I mean, I am naturally inclined to encourage some, some concessions made for peaceful coexistence over anything. A certain moral leaning. Obviously. But there's certainly no wrong way to be human. If anyone's been telling you otherwise, they're quite misguided."

"Oh."

Oh honey no, this really is an exception, Price thinks.

"Um. Have you been...Warned about me?"

There has to be a misunderstanding.

Edited 2022-04-20 22:04 (UTC)

"I have."

He supposes he could have established that sooner. For the sake of forthrightness.

"Word does tend to travel in a group like ours."

"What is the matter, then? You don't believe what they said?"

Price cannot fathom someone being nice to him without trying to enforce any kind of 'correction' that they think is so clever and unnoticeable. Jennifer seems to have this attitude as well, but at least she has the excuse of being a naive teenage girl and having some yet unspecified severe conditions where she keeps having hallucinations.

Sure, Aziraphale is not human, and is bound to function differently, but there's just something that makes this impossible, there has to be.

"It's in your best interest to believe them."

Aziraphale dabbles in two of his oldest hobbies: being dignified and being mildly confused. Maybe they've hit a communications impasse that he overlooked.

"I do believe them. And I certainly can't pretend I condone what I understand of what happened, if that's what you mean. Generally. "

Has no reason not to believe the warnings, when it was all very earnest and widely corroborated. What happened very much seems to have happened. Warts and all. It was no lie, though. He's loved humanity through the same and worse. When he returns home one day, he expects to continue along that very same trend.

Dreadful thing, to try to imagine stopping.

"I suppose I don't... that is to say, if you're seeking a hand with moral quandaries in the present, I don't see much point in giving the past a bearing on my willingness to offer. Although it's obviously ultimately your decision."

"Right." Price mumbles, slightly uncomfortable.

He's of course tense and perceiving some form of danger, fully convinced that if he says the wrong thing he will be damaged further. Then again, he doesn't have enough energy to put up with fake friends. He's used to having none, anyway.

"I happened to wonder if you weren't aware, given that you are not acting like everyone else."

Open to All (cw: workplace abuse)

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cw ableism mention

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