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MEMORY SHARE ※ 1

MEMORY SHARE

It's during a pause in their day. A nap. An idle moment looking out from the gardens at the landscape passing by below. Taking a moment to catch their breath after a jog in one of the castle's larger magic rooms.

The squad is suddenly connected. Mental pathways locking together, they're forced into one another's innermost beings. Thrust into one another's memory palaces where the mind collects and stores everything that makes them who they are. The core of their beings are only a few steps away and no one can prevent the link.

To make matters worse, it comes with no explanation or no ability to pull out and stop. Once they're through the first memory, perhaps they can find a way out, but they're already witnessing some event from their host's past. And, if they left, who knows whether or not they'd end up accidentally invading another memory palace?

And if they were there, who was in theirs?

[ooc: So, how this works: the memories can either be viewed in spectator mode or the guest can be experiencing everything themselves. The person whose memories are being shown, the host, can watch as their current self or take the form they had of their past self. They can also be invisible until the memory is finished. They can talk about the memory with the "guest" that's visiting.

They cannot control the first memory shown, the player decides that, but they can sometimes control any other memories they'd like to show people after. Of course, there's also always the option of an extreme emotional reaction bringing up other memories unbidden.]

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Filbo finds out something he hadn't suspected, but perhaps he should have seen coming:

Watching humans in the middle of intimate displays of affection is very awkward.

"Good for you, Dan, I guess" Filbo mumbles, turning his head away. Given what he knows about Dan's tastes he almost finds it surprising he's showing attraction for another human!

Once Dan goes and begins searching around the house for stuff, Filbo catches onto what was the ulterior reason for it. He watches in silence, trying to sort out the many emotions watching Dan do this brings, before, with some effort, settling on his usual modus operandi of compartmentalizing his more intense disapproval and instead going for 'disappointment'.

Once the real Dan says that, Filbo chuckles.

"Yeah, it wasn't. You're probably gonna get a lot of judgmental stares if others see this"

Well, although Filbo is trying hard not to judge, it's pretty easy to see that he's not exactly impressed with Dan, avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah. And I'll deserve them." Dan's relieved that it's Filbo, likely for reasons that would be nearly as worthy of judgment as the memory itself: if Filbo were to shun Dan, it would sting, but it wouldn't slice him to the core the way it would coming from some of the other people here. It's not like he's having to explain this to Stacia or Elle or, god forbid, his husband.

Dan could try and defend himself, he thinks. Filbo would probably be receptive to Dan's desperation and poverty. Dan could probably convincingly argue that he's changed and would never do that again.

But he would. Dan knows who he is, what he'll do to keep gas in the tank, food on the table, who he'll hurt because he doesn't have to be the one to clean up the fallout.

The only way to rehabilitate himself at all is through honesty. "To be completely transparent, I used that tactic quite a few times in my life. I ain't proud of it, but I did."

"I'd be far more alarmed if you were proud of it. Trust me, I knew--I know people who were really proud of their...kinda terrible behavior"

Which was part of why they got away with it so often, leaving aside the group was on a deserted island away from all civilization. It wasn't like they could banish them somewhere else and call it a day, like it or not, they were all together. What almost everyone did was turn them into outcasts, but that sure didn't stop them from stealing, spying on others, and committing breaking and entering, without being even the slightest bit sorry about it.

"I'm not gonna lie and say I approve, but...people don't tend to wake up one day and decide they're gonna do anything like this because they feel like it" he says, shrugging. "It's not like I'm trying to pry, but you had a reason, right?"

There's...a lot Filbo is willing to ignore when it comes to the people he likes and considers friends. His best friend gained a reputation as a con artist deceiving people in grand scale, but he ignored everything in favor of still being friends with her, shrugging off everything. Dan isn't a close friend, but Filbo likes him, so he's already preparing himself for any mental gymnastics he has to do.

Dan meets that response with a mirthless chuckle. He knows people who've been proud of their bad behavior too. He always tries to give the benefit of the doubt, remember that for some people, the success they feel climbing over others is sometimes the only victory they ever know in their lives.

And then he sighs and rakes his hand through his hair. He realizes he should have expected Filbo to be understanding, and so it's his responsibility now not to take advantage of that.

"Well, you might could have noticed I was stealing toothpaste and ibuprofen." He sighs. "There ain't never been a time when I was rich, but there've been times when I've had enough to keep myself and my-"

His voice hitches, and he isn't sure what he's about to say. His kid? His little brothers and sisters in his care? They all died, all of them, on his watch.

"-there've been times I've had enough to meet all the creature needs honestly, you know, food, a warm place to sleep...soap. And there've been times I ain't been that lucky."

Ah...no wonder it focused so much in the small conveniences like toothpaste and toilet paper. To have to resort to do this all to get that stuff...those must have been some really poor living conditions.

Maybe that's why Dan is so good at living out there in the open, on the road, camping. Maybe he had to do it so often because there just was no other choice at all, Filbo thinks. Dan taking that photo, though...he obviously was having a conversation with somebody else, somebody who knows what to take.

........

A partner in crime, perhaps, Filbo decides.

"Right, I see. Can't say I have ever been...in that same situation, but I guess you gotta survive any way you can" he says. When survival is on the line you just do whatever you can do.

But despite that, after a moment, Filbo dares to grin.

"But, hey, Dan, for future reference: if you ever need something you can come to me and then we can skip the flirting and getting in bed stages and go straight to the part where I give you stuff"

It must be so awkward for Dan, he's sure, so Filbo tries to do what he tends to do at the first sign of unease: make light of the situation somehow. Not terribly tactful, all things considered, but he tries. He noticed how Dan stopped there for a moment -- looks like there's a bit of a tough topic there, so he attempts to get Dan to not think about that.

Part of Filbo can't help but see Dan's compliments to him in a different light now, though.

Edited 2022-04-12 04:23 (UTC)

"That was my-" Dan takes a breath. "That was my kid on the other end of the line. She could read better than I do. Smart as a tack."

Dan has to work to keep his voice steady. "A few folks know about her, but I'd prefer if it didn't get around."

He can trust Filbo on that, he thinks. Filbo doesn't seem like the kind of person heartless enough to weaponize that information. And Dan's happy to pivot into humor along with Filbo. He waggles his eyebrows. "But I enjoy the flirting."

When Dan mentions it's his kid, Filbo sucks in a sharp breath. Oh, good grief. Okay, it makes even more sense, Dan is a parent. Even more of a reason for Dan to pull out all the stops and get his paws dirty--his hands dirty. Truthfully speaking, Filbo's sympathies were with the woman. Having gotten deceived like this must have been devastating, and she probably wasn't the only person Dan targeted. Dan having admitted he had to do this because of, well, poverty, softened his stance somewhat but his sympathies still were with her.

Then Dan mentioned he also had a kid to provide for, and that just made Filbo take his side, all things considered. It wasn't right for this to have happened, but...what other option was there? To do nothing? As if. Dan probably didn't have this as his first choice, anyway.

Hopefully.

"Not saying a word about it, I promise"

Welp, once another reason for this quest to end well: Dan should return with his kid as soon as he can. Time isn't passing in their worlds but Dan must miss her quite a bit, he thinks, very unaware about Dan's kid's fate.

"You're gonna have to direct that flirting at someone else -- I don't have any toothpaste in the first place"

Edited 2022-04-12 05:18 (UTC)

Dan laughs, only the tremble in his hands betraying that they were talking about anything heavy moments ago.

"Don't nobody have any toothpaste in this place, and there's only so far scrubbing your teeth with your shirt can get you. Lucky enough for me, me and Bunny don't kiss mouth to mouth. It don't feel right for him, shape of his mouth and all."

Dan shrugs. "Besides, I got plenty of flirting to go around, ulterior motives or not."

Filbo had been about to make a comment about the flirting, when the surroundings warped. The house disappearing, everything taking a different shape.

"A-Ah, another memory of yours?" Filbo asked, looking around. Only when everything congealed into a scene, Filbo's good mood vanished right away. One glance tells him this is about Snaktooth Island. His time on it was...not great, for the most part. Whatever memory this is, he's sure it won't be good. When it begins he avoids looking at Dan.

--------------

There’s Filbo. The surroundings seem to be a small, wooden hut, with basic furniture and a roof of leaves, but everything has the telltale signs of someone who tried to make it comfortable. Just a bed, a set of cupboards, a rug that seems to have been woven with leaves, a couple lanterns on the walls...it has its charm, in a way. Daylight filters through the window, clear and invigorating.

Curious thing, though: there are no sounds coming from outside. Just from the window one can see this is in the middle of nature – the sea can be seen in the distance, and from the open entrance to the hut there’s a sight of a forest and a mountain some distance away...yet there are no signs of nature. There are no birds, there doesn’t seem to be any sound of wildlife.

Just the wind.

Filbo adjusts his sash. Unlike the golden, official one he wears nowadays, this one is obviously homemade and gray, the word of his station scribbled with a thick brush. There’s no mirror, but he still tries to make himself look presentable, brushing strands of fur with his paws and taking a deep breath. “Alright...” Filbo mumbles and walks to the doorway, stepping out of his hut.

Welcome to Snaxburg. Population: 1.

Indeed, there’s nobody else. There are several huts, a couple of them two stories high, even having a terrace. There’s a large barn, there’s a mill, there are research tents with what from where Filbo is standing seem to be a grumpus skeleton in plain sight in one, and dissected stuff in the other. There’s no sign of anybody else in the town.

Filbo stretches, looks around, and sighs with what seems to be defeat, straightening up after a moment. “Welp, better get started, Filbo. Yesterday was a huge mess and they all left the town, but maybe they just needed to calm down. All you gotta do is find them and ask them to return. Easy enough, right?”

He really hoped he would be able to do it before Lizbert returned and saw just how useless he was. Walking into the archaeology research tent, Filbo tried very hard to ignore the skeleton and left a mark on the ground. Day one! Time to begin!

The real Filbo watched his past, his usual good mood having disappeared, replaced by shame. He really hoped the memory would end. Subconsciously, all it did was make the memory fast forward.

Day, sunset, night, retiring to his hut, dawn, stepping out of his hut, sunset, night, day, night, day...

...night day night day night day. Over and over.

The days passed like a blur, but one could still see Filbo in Snaxburg, like snapshots of some sort. The huts were decaying, given their owners didn’t come back, but Filbo did everything in his power to keep them standing. Repairing walls, getting on the roofs to repair the canopy, cleaning the inside of the huts, keeping them almost presentable. There was Filbo, somehow climbing up to the roof of the barn and the mill, crawling over it, plugging holes from the rain, sometimes accidentally falling off the roof, checking the structures every time an earth tremor happened every couple weeks.

But there was only so much one single grumpus could do to keep a small village’s structure standing. The canopy on the huts yellowed, turning brown. Wood began rotting. Filbo tried to bring wooden logs from the forest and use the mill to get materials, but that was so much effort any day he had to do that he laid on the ground for hours. Large tarps got placed on top of the tents. Snaxburg was literally decaying, and Filbo couldn't do much about it no matter how hard he tried.

Even through the sped up memory, anyone looking at past Filbo could see just how much the increasing disrepair was disheartening him. It didn’t help all he had to eat were herbs he managed to scavenge and pods of ketchup from a lone plant in what clearly used to be a garden, now rotting into nothingness.

The number of marks on the ground in the archaeology tent increased more and more. One, two, three, seven, ten, twelve, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty...

Despite that, Filbo didn’t sit around to wait for the residents to come back, though. Sometimes he left Snaxburg to go to other places. Through the blur one could see other kinds of biomes. Coast, forest, waterfalls, canyon. Colorful shapes that undoubtedly were other grumpuses, sometimes shorter than him, sometimes much taller.

Filbo always asked one question: “Um, why don’t you come back to Snaxburg?” and then tried to give reasons to do so, avoiding to mention the ghost town was in an increasingly bad state.
The responses were always negative. A few, though, had other comments to make, all of them echoing in the memories – proving they were what Filbo remembered the most:

‘I’d rather not talk to you, Filbo’

‘Leave me alone, squeeb!’

‘Y’ know, you weren’t good as a mayor but you...kinda are a good guy, Filbo. I guess’

‘I don’t mean to kick you while you’re down, dawg, but I don’t think you got what’s needed to keep the town together’

‘Your hardest isn’t good enough sometimes’

‘Filbo, this town is gonna fall apart with you in charge’

‘Elizabert Megafig was many things, but indecisive was not one of them. If you intend to be even a little bit of the grumpus she was, then start with that’

Filbo always replied with acknowledgement, although never hid the responses hurt his feelings, and upon returning to the town, just sat down to the empty campfire until he felt ready to keep going. Never cried, but it was glaringly obvious it was all crushing him.

Day, night, day, night, day, night. Week after week, one, two, three months, three months and half worth of marks, until one day they got erased after once another earthquake.

By the time that much time had passed, Filbo was smiling far less while trying to keep the town from falling apart, but at least wasn’t giving up. The sped up memory slowed down, the real Filbo stopping trying to force it to end, the town enveloped in once another sunset, while past Filbo tries to clean the huts once again.

--------------

The real Filbo, meanwhile, looked very dejected.

“...wow. I tried to make the memory end but I kinda think that made it worse”. He sure would have preferred not to give such an extensive display of the few months he spent on his lonesome in Snaxburg. He deals with his past trouble with one specific modus operandi: Step one, compartmentalize it until it doesn't get in your way. Step two, keep going forward.

Another pathetic display from Filbo Fiddlepie, he thinks.

Edited 2022-04-12 06:38 (UTC)

Dan knows that feeling of being worn down over time, of stubbornly pressing forward while success seems to get further and further away, like victory is something outrunning him. He remembers it from his youth on the road with his siblings, trying to break the curse picking them off one by one. He told his little siblings so many times that they just needed to hold on, that each next turn would steer them into a reprieve from their mortal danger, that a break in the clouds would come.

It never came, and Dan buried every loved one he had. That's all he can think of, watching Filbo press on in spite of the evidence of his futility mounting up, higher and higher, as the disbelief others feel at Filbo curdled into embarrassment. There's a point where persistence graduates from a virtue to a flaw.

He reaches over and, if Filbo doesn't object, puts a hand to Filbo's shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's hard to watch that happen to something you love."

It certainly had hurt immensely when this happened. As deputy, when their leader was out hunting he was supposed to be the one in charge, therefore when she and another disappeared while hunting, he stepped up to try to keep things going smoothly and stop the ensuing conflicts that emerged now that the one person holding the very tenuous peace was gone.

Less than 24 hours later, everyone except Filbo had left, all of them having decided they couldn't stay in the same town together anymore, even though living by themselves all over the island could be dangerous. Of course Filbo felt this was all a failure on his part, how to see it any other way?

"...I was hoping memories like these one wouldn't show up. I guess I should have known it would" he says and laughs awkwardly, pretty half-hearted.

It could have been worse -- it could have depicted him actively failing to stop all the fighting, a mere day before the start of this memory. But this one also has its place up there among the memories he sure didn't want others to see, all for one simple reason:

It shows the failure he is. It doesn't matter that nowadays he managed to get his act together and is far more respected in general; this is among the many things he'd have loved to hide from everyone here in the camp. Last thing he wants is to be a dead weight on everyone in this trip. Dan's reaction surprises him, though.

He had expected mockery. He had expected Dan to be severely disappointed, and think far less of him now and probably walk away. He pretty much expected that anyone who would see this, and any other assorted memories that even remotely implied he was a mess who couldn't do anything right, would pretty much shun him, chalking him as a hopeless case.

Somebody who can't do anything right is of no use to anyone.

Sp when Dan places a hand on his shoulder and just...talks to him, Filbo isn't sure how to react.

"...I'm sorry, Dan. You really shouldn't have seen this, I'm so sorry. I...I mean, I'm better than this now, I promise"

All he can do is apologize and hope for the best.

Edited 2022-04-14 01:01 (UTC)

"You ain't got nothing to apologize for."

Dan tries to track why Filbo anticipated the same rejection from Dan that he seemed to get from the other grumpuses, and it clicks into place that to Filbo, this memory was a montage of his greatest failures.

"My memory showed me being dishonest. Yours just showed you being devoted." Ineffective, yes. Naive, maybe. But... "When I look at that, I see that you loved the home you had and the folks in it enough to not just give up on it. Do you see what I see?"

He isn't surprised if Filbo doesn't; after all, there were so many voices telling him what a letdown he was. But he liked Filbo already, and this memory only raises Filbo in his esteem.

"...no, I can't say I do"

He doesn't even hesitate.

Still...the longer Dan's there the less Filbo is sure how to react.

"I don't think yours was dishonest, I mean, survival is important and you had someone important to take care of. That's devoted towards your kid, right? I mean, yeah!"

When it's about himself, Filbo almost always sees things in the worst light possible. There he is, framing Dan's dishonesty in the best way he can think, while he can't extend the same kindness to himself.

Edited 2022-04-14 01:51 (UTC)

Dan snorts. "I can be devoted and dishonest at the same time. Those don't contradict each other none."

And Dan is so frequently both. He gives Filbo's shoulder a squeeze and then drops his hand.

"I look at that memory of yours and I see someone trying when no one else had the faith or motivation to do so. I wouldn't never judge that harshly. I reckon the world would be better with more folks trying than not."

"...you really remind me of someone I once knew"

It's the kind of encouraging thing Lizbert used to say to him throughout his life, all the way to the last conversation he ever had with her. It feels kind of strange to think of Dan as someone similar to Lizbert, but...it's hard not to hear the encouragement and think of her.

"Thanks. I dunno how to say this, but...I'm glad. Not gonna lie, Dan, I have been pretty afraid since I met you all" he slumps over for a moment, back arched forward and arms hanging. "I-I realized pretty quickly how...outclassed I am. Not sure how I'm meant to fit around here with you all and I just didn't wanna be a burden while there's this whole world-saving thing going on. Things are--they're hard enough already, for you all to have to deal with..."

'...with someone like me', he was going to say. If he had to be honest, he'd say the Green probably meant to take someone else and got him by mistake. Straightening up, Filbo swallows those words and instead breathes out.

"So I'm just glad that despite you seeing even a bit of the mess I am, you're...still here"

It's so obvious he has a quite inflated opinion of everyone, Dan included. Apparently, seeing him lie to someone to take the opportunity to steal from their house didn't make a big dent in his opinion for Dan. It was an unpleasant surprise! And probably Filbo sees his flirting as a bit of a bad habit now, instead of the flattering words they seemed to be before. But in general it seems he still thinks Dan as admirable, somehow.

Edited 2022-04-14 02:44 (UTC)

Dan laughs. "Trust me, Filbo. I know how that feels. I'm an alcoholic chainsmoker who gets winded walking up stairs and can't read to save my life, and I'm surrounded by teenage superheroes and intergalactic space soldiers."

He reaches over and takes Filbo's big fluffy hand, petting it. "I ain't one of those folks who believe everything happens for a reason or believes that the Green knows jack shit about how to select a team of heroes. But I do know that my time here on this adventure's been better having you in it."

Filbo steps up when there's a crisis, organizes getting people to safety. He treats others well. He chips in when he sees a need. That's worth more to Dan than any amount of combat skill.

"Aw, come on, you're probably underestimating yourself! Being clever is probably the best quality to have and you have that in spades!"

With cleverness, anything is possible! Cleverness and some preparation can get anyone anywhere! Probably.

Still, Filbo seems to have bounced back pretty quickly. Doesn't seem like he's forcing it, it's all coming out pretty genuine. Fortitude probably is his best quality.

"You know what, let's just keep going and do all we can. The past is the past, so let's just tackle whatever happens next. We got this under control"

For now, at least. For now. Anything can happen in this weird magical land, but it's not like they get to do nothing, so better try to face it all with as much courage as they can have.

"I like the way you think."

Dan figures if Filbo could get a sense of how vital that optimism and resilience is, how it can help buoy those around him, he might get a sense of how valuable he is within the group - but to continue to hammer the point may sound insincere. Let Filbo comes to realize his worth over time.

The memories around them start to melt away, the castle walls emerging as if from under wilting snow. Dan looks around and puts his hands in his pockets, shrugs.

"Reckon we got to know each other a little better."

"We sure did. Next time let's do it without a castle dragging out of our heads memories we'd rather others not to see, okay?"

Now that he thinks about it...

"Also without you being horribly injured, that won't do either"

Three of the four threads they have had involved Dan in some sort of miserable circumstance -- one with him freshly injured, one in a lot of pain and trying to endure it, and now with his memories being shown for everyone to see.

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MEMORY SHARE ※ 1

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